Today after the Of Mice & Men show, I met Austin Carlile. Nobody understands how much this means to me. I had missed half of their set list due to excessive vomiting, which sucked since I waited in line since 8:30 am. I waited after the show only to be told the news that the band wouldn’t be coming out to meet any of the fans. I instantly started sobbing. I sobbed my heart out for a good hour because I couldn’t meet him and hug him, and tell him how much he means to me. However, after sobbing my story to one of the band ushers, he went back on the bus and said he couldn’t promise me anything. I literally had no hope left to meet him. I was so heartbroken. But a few minutes later, the helper guy opened the bus door back up and behind him followed Austin. I broke down and my sobs turned to throbs. Austins first words were “I’m only here to see Hannah.” He called me over to him and hugged me. We hugged for a while, and then he looked at me and told me that he heard how upset I was. He asked me to uncover my face because I was crying, so I did. And then he told me I was beautiful. He looked at my wrists and said “What’s this.” and I said “Self harm.” and he looked up at me and said “Come with me.” Then he took me further away from people to talk alone. We talked for a long time. He put his forehead to mine and said “Hannah, next time I see you, if you have a single cut on your wrist, I will not hug you. You need to promise me that you will never hurt yourself again.” Of course I said no, at first and only had to explain to him why. But I did promise him. He held my hands in his the entire time we talked and I just opened up. He told me to @ him on twitter so he could follow me and to DM him whenever I needed to talk to somebody. He opened up to me about his mom and the whole jail thing. And when we hugged again I cried into him and said “Austin, your mom would be so proud of you.” and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “I know she would. Because I didn’t give up. And I never want you to give up either.” then he kissed me on my forehead and said “I love you. and if you ever feel alone, and like nobody loves you, know that at least one person does always. And that’s me.” I replied with sobs and an I love you too. He wrote out my tattoo for me, also. And a really sweet note.
I threw away all of my blades as soon as I got home. Thank you so much, Austin. You will never understand how much you mean to me.